Monday, April 18, 2011

A Break In Our Regularly Scheduled Programming: A True Story

This is a true story that happened to a friend of mine. I’ll let you guess which one is my friend:

“Excuse me!” said the driver to the pedestrian. “I promised to give a speech at 2pm—but I’m an hour late, and completely lost! Could you help me?”

Gratuitous picture of a gorgeous woman.
“It’s all about the SEO . . .”
“Sure,” said the pedestrian. “You’re 1.3 miles from the exact center of The City. Your exact latitude is 51.50 degrees north, longitude 0.11 degrees west.”

“You’re an engineer, aren’t you?” said the driver.

“Why, yes I am!” said the pedestrian, amazed. “How did you know?”

“Very simple,” said the driver. “Because everything you’ve told me is technically correct—but I’m still lost, I’m still late, and I can’t do anything with the information you’ve given me!”

The pedestrian looks at the driver. “You’re a politician, aren’t you,” he says with a shrewd look.

The driver perks up, thinking he’s been recognized. “Why, yes I am,” he says proudly. “How did you know?”

“Very simple,” says the pedestrian. “Because you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, you’ve made a promise you can’t keep, and you expect someone else to solve your problems. In fact, you’re in exactly the same situation you were in before you asked for my help—yet somehow, it’s now all my fault.”


  1. GL,
    Demonizing politicians is so pedestrian, you must be having an off day. Here's something that may get your creative juices flowing...

    Last week the University of Texas endowment fund took delivery of almost $1 billion in gold bullion. UT board member Kyle Bass recommend the move. “Central banks are printing more money than they ever have, so what’s the value of money in terms of purchases of goods and services. I look at gold as just another currency that they can’t print any more of.”

    The UT endowment fund is second in size behind Harvard. Bass is the guy who predicted the tanking of subprime mortgages, and he made a boatload of money shorting them.

    Hmmm......perhaps UT will spend their gold bars in Utah, or in the dozen other states looking at a hard currency - Colorado, Georgia, Montana, Missouri, Indiana, Iowa, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vermont and Washington.


  2. old joke ...yet still true :)

  3. A Bedouin is herding his ship in the desert, when out of nowhere a new SUV with fancy rims shows up. A well dressed man gets out of the vehicle and asks the sheep herder: If i tell you exactly how many sheeps you have, will you give me one?
    Yes answers the Beduin.
    The guy opens a laptop and says: Right now the Hubble telescope is taking a pucture of this area and using the shadows from the sheep to calculate the exact number.......352.
    He takes one animal and puts in the trunk.
    The Beduin asks: if i guess what is your job, will you give my animal back?
    Why yes..
    You're a consultant.
    Right, how did you know?
    You come uninvited wearing fancy clothes.
    You use gadgetry to answer questions nobody asked you.
    And you have no idea about the specifics of the job.
    So please, give me back my Shepard dog.

  4. This pig demands more gratuitous pictures!

  5. Really? You could have at least issued a "See I told you so" post about the S&P warning.

  6. "Gratuitous picture of a gorgeous woman": She has a lovely face, but... that woman is sick! - I mean really ill! - maybe anorexia nervosa sick!!! Her arm is just a stick.

    If she is the one that is your friend, try to get her some help.

  7. Did the University of Texas actually take possession?\

    That gal in the photo is a little on the thin side.

  8. We need a moratorium on politicians. Seriously, just send them home for about 5-10 years and let us sort through this shithole which we now call our new reality. Their "solutions" inevitably do nothing except create unintential consequences and compound the original problem, (ironically the same problem created by the polticians in the first place.)


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  10. On politicians, what we really need is some time of selection process akin to what is currently used for jury selection, as well as the ability to fire the bastards at any time if they're doing a crappy job (you wouldn't let a crappy contractor continue to work on your house day after day, would you?). What we have right now is bullshit. Really, does it seem sensible to give power to those who beg for it? My thinking is that those who beg for power are precisely the types to whom it should be denied, since they seek (99 times out of 100) power for its own sake, and to hell with you and me.

    Ok, that's my rant for now.

  11. Bombshell! Where'd you find her? Unbelievably critical commenters on this blog. Just take the blog for what it is! And the girl, too... "a little on the thin side"? Well, some girls are thick and some are thin, some are small and some are tall. I love them in all their many shapes and sizes :D

  12. One can never be too thin..., or too rich.


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